1800STAYAWAY
by Lily-Finn178
Summary: Need help keeping boys away from Pirika, Horo? Call 1800StayAway and they'll give you the infamous bodyguard Tao Ren. Warning: they may fall in love. Discontinued


Disclaimer: I do not own Shaman King. If I did, I would have made sure that these people would have hooked up: Anna/Yoh (although they're already engaged, I would have made them confess their love and kiss), Ren/Pirika, and Horo/Tamao. I also would have killed these people: Ryu, Faust, and Manta.

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1-800-STAY AWAY

Prologue

By Lily-Finn

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It was a calm October morning. The birds were singing, the sun was just beginning to peek out above the horizon, and the beautiful orange and brown leaves fluttered softly to the ground in the cool morning breeze. Just another normal morning in Funbari. Just another normal day...

"GET BACK HERE YOU STUPID AINU!"

...Or not. Because no matter how happily the birds sang, or the sun shone, or the leaves fell, it was never a normal day for the occupants of the En Inn. In fact, if any normal person was walking by the inn at that exact moment, they would have noticed the most unusual boys fighting over a poor, helpless peach bun.

"I had it first!" a blunette screamed as he ran away from the other boy. In his hands was the unfortunate peach bun.

Behind him, the other boy yelled, "You knew I was going to eat that one and you stole it!" He ran after the blunette, jabbing a kwan dao in the air as though to kabob the other boy. The purple tongari on his head was growing as he became angrier as he chase continued.

"Stop trying to kill me!"

"Give me my peach bun!"

"NEVER!" the blunette jumped to the side as the kwan dao's blade was launched at him. Hurriedly, he plopped the peach bun into his mouth. Triumphantly, he stood tall and chewed the peach bun.

If the blunette had taken even a second to look at the other boy, he might have noticed the murderous gleam in his golden eyes. But, alas, the blunette was savoring the taste of the delectable peach bun, and, therefore, was oblivious.

"I'LL KILL YOU!" But before the golden-eyed boy could lunge at the blunette with his kwan dao in hand, a feminine voice called out, "Onii-chan! I got peach buns!"

The boys stopped what they were doing to look at the girl standing on the porch of the inn. She smiled brightly at the two, her big blue eyes sparkling. In her arms was a bag with a picture of a beach bun on it. The girl blinked and looked from her older brother to the golden-eyed boy. When she saw the kwan dao pointed at her brother's heart, her eyes narrowed and she asked, "Why are you trying to hurt onii-chan, Tao?"

Tao Ren, the golden-eyed Chinese shaman, smirked as he walked up to the girl and grabbed the bag in her arms. As she began to protest, Ren dove into the bag and pulled out the biggest bun. After licking his lips, Ren gobbled down the peach bun. His smirk widened just a little before he went back inside the inn, the bag of peach buns in his hand.

Usui Horo-horo, the blunete Ainu shaman and older brother of the gil, frowned, and cried, "That jackass stole my peach buns!"

The girl stamped her foot on the porch, not saying anything.

Horo-horo stared at his little sister. "Well? Don' just stand there, Pirika. Do something!" he ordered.

Usui Pirika stamped her foot on the ground again, whether out of annoyance or anger, Horo wasn't too sure. "You were the one who made him mad, onii-chan! That's why he stole the peach buns Tatsuki-kun bought for me!"

Horo-horo was snapped out of his anger for the Chinese shaman at the name of the boy. "Tatsuki...kun? Who's that?"

"He's a friend!" Pirika was on the defensive. Her face turned crimson out of rage. Horo mistook the coloring of her cheeks as something else.

"A _boy_friend!" he screeched in horror. "My poor baby sister, seduced by the cunning of a young man only aiming to hurt her. Oh, what should I do? Oh, Kami..." he went on to shout a string of unscrupulous words that only upset Pirika more.

"He's not my boyfriend!" the Ainu girl yelled out. She grabbed her cell phone from her pocket and chucked it at him. She would have thrown a shoe, if she were wearing any, but, alas, the cell phone was the only thing she could find on her person that would shut her brother up. It proved effective as it hit her brother's head and shocked him so much that he was silenced.

Pirika went back inside the inn, leaving her brother in his shocked state. She found the infamous peach-bun-stealing Tao Ren sitting in the living room. Her anger bubbled up again, and this time she directed it towards the unfortunate Chinese shaman. "You!" she yelled at him while pointing an accusatory finger. "What do you think you're doing?"

Ren stared at the girl, confusion evident in his eyes. The Tao followed Pirika's gaze to the peach bun in his hand and the bag sitting casually in his lap. He blinked, hi eyebrows moving forward on his head as he glared at Horo's little sister. "What do I think I'm doing? I'm eating." To prove this, he stuck the rest of the peach bun in his mouth and chewed very slowly.

"Exactly!" Pirika screeched. She ran over and grabbed the bag from his lap. "Those were _my_ peach buns!" she looked inside the bag. "And you ate them all. _You bastard_!" She cuffed him on the head and threw the bag at his face. Stamping out of the room, she screamed, "DIE IN HELL, TAO!"

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Horo-horo was looking at all the phone numbers in his sister's cell phone. With each boy's name that he saw, his expression grew drearier.

"Yuki...Mitsuru...Taichi...How many boyfriends does Pirika have?" he asked himself quietly, gripping the cell phone in worry. "I need to make a plan. A plan that will make her stay away from all those..._boys_." He shuddered in disgust. "Like a bodyguard. But where in all of hell can I find a bodyguard?"

"Why are you talking about bodyguards, Horo-horo?" the Ainu turned to see a brunette smiling lazily at him.

Horo smiled weakly. "It's nothing, Yoh. I was just talking stupid again."

Asakura Yoh nodded. Horo was always acting stupid. "Well, Horo, if you're looking for a bodyguard, you should ask Ren." At the mention of the Chinese shaman, Horo-horo glared at the shaman king. Why would he ask his mortal enemy for a bodyguard? Did Ren know any bodyguards?

Yoh spoke up again. "Jun's friend started this bodyguard business a couple of months ago. Jun forced Ren to become one of those bodyguards. They even have their own hotline."

The blunette gave the brunette a blank look. Why would he want his mortal enemy guarding his baby sister? How would he get Ren to guard his baby sister?

"Ren's the top bodyguard at the company right now, so he's on vacation. He charges fifty dollars for every week. I'm sure if you asked, he'd help you." Yoh started to walk away.

Horo ran after the shaman king. "Wait, Yoh!"

The brunette turned around, a questioning look on his carefree face.

Sheepishly, Horo itched the back of his neck. "What's the number for the hotline?"

Yoh grinned widely. "It's simple, really. 1-800-STAY-AWAY."

Horo-horo blinked. That was simple. His simpleton, idiotic mind could remember that. He looked at his sister's cell phone in his hand. Flipping it open, he looked at the numbers and started dialing, whispering the number to himself.

"1-800-STAY-AWAY."

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Ok, how was that? I don't think it's anything special, but it's something. Hopefully I'll get chappie 1 up soon...if I remember to finish it in the near future...


End file.
